Starting college is exciting. It can also be surprisingly lonely.
You arrive on campus surrounded by thousands of people, yet you may find yourself wondering: Who am I going to sit with? Who will I eat lunch with? How do I make friends?
Here’s the secret that nobody tells you: almost everyone else is wondering the same thing.
Even students who seem confident, outgoing, and completely comfortable may be nervous about starting over socially. Research and recent guidance from colleges consistently point to the same idea: meaningful friendships usually don't happen because you meet the "right person" once. They develop through small interactions, repeated contact, and taking the initiative to see people again.
So instead of worrying about finding your best friend during your first week, focus on something much simpler:
Meet people. Be curious. Keep showing up.
1. Don't Wait for Someone to Approach You
One of the biggest mistakes new students make is assuming that everyone else already knows what they're doing.
They don't.
The easiest way to start is with something incredibly simple:
- "Hey, I'm ___ . What's your name?"
- "Where are you from?"
- "What are you majoring in?"
- "Have you been to this class before?"
- "Are you going to the game tonight?"
- "Do you want to grab lunch?"
You don't need an amazing opening line. You just need an opening.
And remember: a 30-second conversation doesn't have to become a friendship. You're simply giving yourself—and the other person—the opportunity to connect.
2. Say Yes During the First Few Weeks
The beginning of college is one of the easiest times to meet people because everyone is new.
Go to orientation events. Attend the residence-hall activities. Check out the club fair. Go to the football game. Sit in the common area instead of staying in your room.
You don't have to love every event.
The goal is to increase the number of opportunities you have to run into the same people.
And if someone says, "We're going to get pizza. Want to come?"—consider saying yes.
You can always leave later.
3. Don't Try to Find Your "Group" Immediately
This one is important.
You may see a group of five people hanging out during your first week and think:
"They already found their friends. I need to find my group."
Not necessarily.
College friendships change constantly, especially during the first semester. Research on college friendships suggests that students can benefit from keeping connections with multiple groups while they're figuring out where they fit.
So don't feel like you have to commit to the first people you meet.
Talk to the people on your floor.
Talk to people in your classes.
Meet people through clubs.
Meet people at the gym.
Meet people at work.
Give yourself permission to explore.
Your closest friends may be people you haven't even met yet.
4. Join Something That Meets Every Week
Going to a one-time event can introduce you to people.
But doing something together repeatedly is what helps friendships grow.
Join a club. Play intramural sports. Volunteer. Join an academic organization. Take a fitness class. Get involved with student government. Find a gaming group. Try something you've never done before.
The important part isn't necessarily what you join.
It's seeing the same people again and again.
Repeated interaction creates familiarity, and familiarity makes it much easier to move from:
"Hey, I recognize you."
to
"Want to grab lunch?"
to
"Want to study together?"
to
"Want to go to the game Saturday?"
That's how friendships happen.
5. Use Your Classes
Your classmates are one of the easiest places to start.
Instead of walking into class at the last second and immediately putting in your headphones, arrive five minutes early.
Sit near other students.
Say hello.
Ask a question.
And when you have a group project, don't treat it as something you simply have to get through. It can be an opportunity to get to know people.
Try:
"Do you guys want to make a group chat for this?"
Then, after the project:
"I'm grabbing coffee—anyone want to come?"
A classmate doesn't have to become your best friend. But they might become your study partner, your lunch buddy, or the person who introduces you to someone who eventually becomes one of your closest friends.
6. Put Your Phone Down
This may be one of the simplest—and hardest—things you can do.
Look around your dining hall.
Look around your residence hall.
Look around campus.
There are opportunities everywhere, but it's much harder to connect when you're looking down at your phone.
Try sitting at a common table instead of eating alone in your room.
Leave your headphones off when you're walking around.
Say hello to someone you've seen before.
Small moments add up.
7. If You're Shy, Make the Goal Smaller
You don't have to suddenly become an extrovert.
If approaching a big group feels intimidating, don't approach a big group.
Start with one person.
Set a goal like:
"Today I'm going to introduce myself to one new person."
That's it.
Tomorrow, do it again.
You can also look for smaller environments—clubs, study groups, volunteer activities, intramural sports, or classes where you naturally have something in common with the people around you.
Being quiet isn't a disadvantage.
You just need a strategy that works for you.
8. Don't Confuse Awkwardness With Failure
Some conversations will be awkward.
Some people won't seem interested.
You might invite someone to lunch and they'll say they're busy.
That's okay.
It doesn't mean you aren't likable.
It means you had one conversation.
College is a giant social experiment. You're learning who you click with—and who you don't.
Don't let one uncomfortable interaction convince you to stop trying.
9. Be the Person Who Makes the Next Move
Here's a simple rule:
If you enjoyed talking to someone, follow up.
Don't wait for them to invite you somewhere.
Say:
"Hey, want to grab lunch tomorrow?"
Or:
"Want to study together before the exam?"
Or:
"I'm going to the basketball game Friday. Want to go?"
Or even:
"Hey, it was fun hanging out. Let me know if you want to do something again."
It might feel bold.
Do it anyway.
The students who build friendships aren't necessarily the most popular or outgoing. Often, they're simply the people willing to take the next step.
10. Remember: You Are Not Behind
This might be the most important part.
You may have an amazing first week.
Or you may spend the first month wondering if you made the wrong decision.
You may make a great friend immediately.
Or you may meet your closest friend six months into college.
There is no deadline for finding your people.
College is a huge transition, and feeling uncertain or lonely at times is normal. Recent college guidance emphasizes that meaningful friendships take time, consistency, and repeated interaction.
Don't judge your entire college experience by your first few weeks.
Keep showing up.
Keep saying hello.
Keep trying things.
Keep putting yourself in places where you can meet people.
Eventually, someone you barely know today may become the person you call when you have great news, need advice, want to grab dinner, or simply need someone to hang out with.
Your challenge
When you get to campus, don't make your goal:
"I need to find my best friends."
Make your goal:
"I'm going to meet one new person today."
Then do it again tomorrow.
And again the next day.
That's how you find your people.
